OBLIVION III.4||sing me a love song



TITLE|plus
Sunday, February 29, 2004
Two more things before the end of the chapter.

On Thursday night, I went to Blue Sky with Drew for the discussion part of her Twin Peaks ExCo. The food was delicious and so was the discussion... and so was the guy sitting next to me, who was either flirting cutely or just a really nice guy. None of us could tell which it was. We'll see which way this goes. A potential candidate for the position of my traditional March Mate? Time will tell.

I went out to Olmsted for dinner with my sister and grandmother tonight. It was really nice. I never see Carolyn. She's so grown-up... but still lots of fun. She really impresses me. I see so much of our parents in her that it sets me to wondering about my own future. How will my parents' legacies play out in me? Again, time will tell.

Leap Day only comes about once every four years. Why isn't it a huge festival day? Everyone would look forward to it, and it could just be a huge blast! Silly people...
All right. Now the chapter is really over.

Reading questions
(1) Describe the author's relationship with his sister. How do you think their almost constant separation over the past several years has affected their relationship?
(2) Evaluate the importance of family in the author's life.
(3) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.

Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 08:39 p.m.


TITLE|leap day
Sunday, February 29, 2004
Happy Leap!

Emily and Katie and Drew were gone most of the weekend. I had to find other ways to entertain myself, like the entertaining freshmen I know in South and also Miriam and Alex and Andy and Angie. I had fun, but it's nice to have the gang back.
The weekend was dramatically improved by the arrival of a letter from Natalie. It made my week. I read it as soon as I could. And then I read it again. And then I got to my room and read it again, over and over and over. Even now, just thinking about the letter makes my heart pound so hard I can't hear anything else.
I miss. I yearn. I long...
How maudlin.
I spent an hour in the sauna yesterday to see if I could do it. It was delightful. That heat...

When people talk to me for a long time, despite my clear lack of interest (as expressed by barely saying anything), I have to wonder: do I ever do this?

I feel cramped and confined. I want to live in a place with more than one room. And I really, really want to see some mountains.
Because March is almost upon us, this will have to be the end of this chapter. Thanks for reading.

Reading questions
(1) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.

Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 04:23 p.m.


TITLE|ahhhhhhhhhhhh
Thursday, February 26, 2004
So. Last night, at the urging of several friends, I went to the Sco, where I quickly got drunk to deal with how much I hate the place.
Then this guy who's been hitting on me for months came to the table. My thought process:
He's really sleazy.
But I'm really horny.
But he probably has like a million STI's.
But it's not like I'm gonna do anything risky.
But he's sooo sleazy.
But he has been hitting on me like all year long.
And I am really horny.
Maybe if I drink another pitcher of beer.
Maybe if I drink another two...

So eventually we fled the Sco and went to his place, which was actually quite nice. It was fun until I got sober enough to really think about who this was, at which point I said I had class at ten and started getting ready to go. He offered to let me stay the night, but I didn't want any of that, so I walked back to South. As I left he suggested maybe we could be friends with benefits. Right. And maybe the Arabs and the Israelis will set aside their weapons and dance around in a lush green meadow, tra la la.

Just as I got back to my room, Brad IMed me, saying, "Oh no, you DIDN'T." So we had a fun conversation about that and how fun it is to make poor choices. At least I'm able to look back and laugh about it.
I spent the rest of the night getting gradually more sober, yet unable to fall asleep. So, it was really a treat when I dragged myself off to Japanese class, still kinda drunk, where Hosaka-sensei, after pointing out that the class looked tired, announced that, in addition to the dialogue we were supposed to (read: I didn't) prepare for class today, we were also going to sing a song. Fantastic, man. Fantastic.
After class I followed Alex around, then we went over to Natalie's room and everyone teased each other a bunch. Then I went to a waste of a Lambda Union officers' meeting, then lunch at Dascomb, where I ran into Drew's roommate Gretchen and Miriam's roommate, whose name I always, always forget for some reason. We talked of many things, ranging from the party last night to SCUBA certification to my cinematic masterplan, Godzilla vs Hitler.
I came home after that and played games with Emily and her brother James, who is visiting for some reason. It was fun.
Then I went off to a late language session with Yukiko, which was fun, but I was stumbling over the reading. I really wish I had access to some children's books with which to practice reading.
As I was on my way home, I ran into Miriam, so I turned around and hung out with her for awhile, which was great. I wish she didn't live on the other side of the campus. I miss her.
And now I'm sitting here listening to the Cranberries, a full fifteen hours after I first tried to write this post.

Reading questions
(1) How does the author seem to feel about his encounter the last night? Why might he feel this way?
(2) Why did the author eventually drop his "ascetic" lifestyle? Does his reaction to the events of the last night make it seem likely that he might return to his systematic abstinence?
(3) Why does the author write so much about his mundane encounters with friends?
(4) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.

Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 05:44 a.m.


TITLE|decision time
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
It has been decided. Rather than returning home this spring break, I will be joining Alex and Jake in London.

Reading questions
(1) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.

Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 05:15 p.m.


TITLE|dreamin
Monday, February 23, 2004
Start time: 11:21
Two especially vivid dreams from the past couple nights.
I'm driving Natalie's old car through some dark, occasionally winding roads: Montana after midnight. There are others in the car, but I do not look to see who they might be.
We stop at a gas station. I begin to fill the tank, then lie down in the back of the car as everyone else goes inside.
I'm reading some of the nonsense I've written in my nonsense journal when I notice that someone else is in the car with me. It's Ben.
(Ben is a terribly handsome first-year here. The first time I saw him, we smiled at each other in the library. The second time I saw him, we laughed together in the student cafe. The third time I saw him, he was mostly naked in a student-run online magazine. Currently we have modern Korean history together.) In the dream,
Ben and I have an intimate friendship - not unlike the one I have with Jake - and he lies down next-to-and-partially-on-top-of me, putting his head over my shoulder so he can see what I'm reading. We lie there reading cheek-to-cheek and grinning and the colours are dark and the colours are tremendous: blue like the ancient past, blue like the Marianas Trench, blue like the mountains' side of the night sky at home: black like volcanic glass: white like sand through a three-foot ocean lens.
After I have explained the importance of nonsense for the human spirit, everyone else comes back. I return to the driver's seat and we speed off into the night.

11:52 : I must away to history. I shall write of the second dream upon my return.

12:40 : Class was depressing, but good. I fear Wednesday might be a bit much - a video about the "comfort women" taken by Japanese soldiers during the second world war.
My dream from this morning.
I enter my house in the company of a young man named Sammy. I do not know Sammy, nor do I know why he is coming to my house, but my parents seem to know him. I am nine or ten years old.
Sammy accompanies me to my room, where I change into a fresh pair of clothes. I also find a new, better version of my fierce gloves sitting on my bed. I am wearing the same ones I have in real life, which, just as in real life, are slowly coming apart, so I decide to try on the newer ones. They are sleek, comfortable, and beautiful, and as I wonder where they came from, I almost miss the fact that Sammy is about to attack me. I pivot to block his attack, slam his spine into a bedpost, and run.
Returning downstairs, I am aghast to find my house overrun by creatures that are not quite vampires - slightly less human, but able to go out in the sun unharmed. I run out the door with the creatures in hot pursuit. Running uphill is inexplicably difficult, as though gravity has become stronger or the ground is giving no purchase. I am not exactly frightened, but I have an overwhelming urge to get away.
Finally, I make it to the highway. The signs are different and the sun is bright and very, very big. I crawl into a bush, then everything goes white.
Later, I am in Japan, in my early twenties. I work at a restaurant to pay my rent. I live comfortably on the edges of society, not knowing anyone very well.
The restaurant is rich with shadows and earth tones, and the wooden tables are gorgeous. The overall effect is that of a forest after sundown.
Alex and his parents come into the restaurant. Amused to see someone I know for once, I take a break and sit with them. Their faces come in and out of focus. We have a charming, pointless conversation, then they leave and I return happily to my life of urban solitude.

That took a lot longer than it should have, but I have been carrying on three conversations and listening to music. And rereading a book.
I'm ending this here.

Reading questions
(1) What is significant about these dreams?
(2) When the author tells stories, what kind of information does he pay attention to? What does he seem to avoid?
(3) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.

Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 02:15 p.m.


TITLE|sling
Monday, February 23, 2004
I think I may be in the early or middle stages of having a breakdown. I barely stopped myself from laughing uncontrollably for no real reason earlier tonight.
Maybe I should eat better or sleep more. Maybe I should spend less time around Drew, whose chaotic behaviour is clearly giving form to my own inner madness.
Maybe I should take out the sledgehammer again.
Or maybe I should just move back to California, where I don't act like this. Ohio bites.

Reading questions
(1) Does the author seem truly concerned about himself?
(2) If the author is in fact having a breakdown, what might be causing it?
(3) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.

Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 03:36 a.m.


TITLE|gnawin on metal, tastylike
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
I have a date for Saturday. He's busy in the evening, so I thought we should go for a frost picnic in Kent, where he lives. My expectations aren't overhigh, but I think the picnic will be fun. I have to figure out what to make/take for eating.
I've been wearing my gloves almost constantly lately. It just feels right. I've gotten a lot of comments - some people are nervous, others appreciative, still others merely curious. I don't know what to say to these last. I wear gloves with metal spikes because they look and feel good and I feel more comfortable with them on. What more is there to say?
I recently got a flood of friend requests on myspace, prompting me to ask Jake to help me make a questionnaire - I gave it to all the requesters and said I'd add them if I liked the answers. The main goal here was to scare people off, and it worked perfectly. It's a pretty great questionnaire:

"Due to the massive volume of friend requests I receive, I have created this questionnaire to root out the jackanapes. Please give each question the thought it deserves and send your responses directly to me, written as intelligibly as possible.

(1) What is your favourite book? Fantasy, sci-fi, historical fiction, realistic fiction, children's books, comic books, non-fiction, textbooks, treatises, cereal boxes, and instructional manuals do not count.
(2) What does my room look like?
(3) If asked, would you be willing to be a mail order bride for an acquaintance of mine?
(4) When did the spark go out of our relationship?
(5) Why did you bribe the Secret Service to be complicit in Kennedy's assassination?
(6) Xx xxx xxxxx xxx xxxxx xx xxxxxxxx? Please try to keep your answer to three hundred words or less.
(7) Who killed Laura Palmer?
(8) When you stabbed your best friend in the back - literally - to get that hot date in eighth grade, was it worth it? Do you still look back and chuckle about it?
(9) Why doesn't your uncle ever look you in the eye?
(10) What can you tell me about a continuous function on the closed interval [a,b]?

I look forward to hearing from you!

<3<3<3,
Andrew"

Everything about it reminds me of kickin it with Jake. Man, do I ever miss that guy.
I decided to ask Sydney from Chaos to form a study group with me. We're both a little intimidated, and she's the closest thing to a friend I have in that group of people. Also, she's decidedly un-math-major-like, which is a big plus.
Kyle and I led our first Buffy class today. It's a good group of people; I'm looking forward to getting to know them.
As I was leaving Wilder, I ran into Brad, who told me there was a Drag Ball meeting, so I went and signed up to help out where I thought I could be helpful.
Now I'm sitting alone in my room and listening to Lisa Loeb and writing in this old blog.
I turn twenty in less than three months. How ridiculous is that?
Where's Emily?

Reading questions
(1) How does the author seem to view dating? How has this view changed over time? (2) What, if anything, is the significance of the questionnaire?
(3) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.

Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 11:31 p.m.


TITLE|the fourteenth.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Happy Valentine's Day, dear stalkers. I'm so in love! But that's hardly news.
Today was Friday the thirteenth. It went by very smoothly.
Crystal Chronicles is beautiful and impressively challenging, if a little limited in scope.
Tonight, the twine on which the Red Fish was beaded snapped. I am informed that this is supposed to happen - apparently a wish will come true now. I hope it does. Also, I intend to put the fish-bead onto something else and continue to wear it. I really like it.
I feel a little weird sitting in Linear Algebra, especially at this point in the semester, where the lessons are almost identical to the first few from Multi last year. Prof Young knows that I know this stuff already, but I'd feel weird skipping class until the specifically linear stuff starts, so I'm stuck sitting there wanting to answer questions in class but knowing it's usually best left to the other students.
I have been sleeping terribly lately, partly because of my social habits, largely because of my health, and partly because my body - much like the rest of me - still wants to be in California.
As part of my continuing trend of having vivid, involved dreams, I spent a fair deal of Tuesday dreaming I was on a quest with Jesus and Judas, replete with a trip to Mecca, intense visions from God, and even a quick picnic in Eden. It was a hell of a thing.
I've been eating poorly all week. I hate waiting in long lines to eat garbage, so mostly this week I haven't. Instead I've been eating nothing or ordering pizza with Emily and sometimes Katie. Ungh.
I feel like I'm living in time-lapse photography. Time goes by faster and faster with each passing day, but it feels like I'm barely moving at all. I am bored and uninspired and distressingly delighted by the thought that it's barely two years until college is over.
I wish I knew exactly what it is I'm waiting for so I could just go and make it happen. I'm idling my life away here at school and it's ridiculous.
My wrist feels funny without the Red Fish. Good night.

Reading questions
(1) Why did the author deem his dream significant enough to write about?
(2) What does the author mean when he writes, "I feel like I'm living in time-lapse photography?" Have you ever felt this way?
(3) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.

Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 02:29 a.m.


TITLE|first day
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Classes started today. Japanese is indeed in the extremely nearby Lewis center, although I think there are now only two people left in that class I enjoy talking with. I'll get over it.
I found excellent boots in the right size at the local army/navy store - it was really quite fortunate, as this was the only pair they had of the style I wanted. I couldn't buy them because I deposited my money just yesterday, but they will be mine tomorrow. As will Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles.
Also, I finally got around to reinforcing the spikes on my fierce gloves so they don't flop all over the place. I can't decide which way I like better.
My Korean history teacher is cool in a timid kind of way.
Prof Young was surprised to see me in Linear Algebra. Apparently he thought I'd already taken all of the important 200 level math courses, but no no no! Of course, the bizarre renovation of third-floor King might have added to his confusion. It certainly threw me for a loop.
I'm actually looking forward to having Walsh this semester. Dynamic systems are his specialty and I can tell he's gonna teach really well. My main problem is that almost the entire class is stereotypical math majors, and this time I have no Jake and no Natalie to protect me from it all. Maybe I'll just face the terror of 302 on my own.
I still haven't seen most of the people I'm supposed to see - Kyle, Natalie, Jamin, Miriam, most of the Dasques... I don't really know what to do about that. I figure I'll see them eventually.
My nose stuffed up almost as soon as I got here. It's really annoying and gross. I hate the damn Midwest and I can't stop thinking about home, which is always good for making me feel down.
Going to school away from home has done a really excellent job of making me realize how much I like it back there. Of course, I've made really cool friends here, too, but everyone keeps moving and most of it doesn't seem like it'll last.
Well, at least it's only a month and a half or so until spring break...

Reading questions
(1) By describing his fellow students as "stereotypical math majors," is the author trying to separate himself from this group, or is he merely observing a pre-existing separation? Discuss.
(2) In the past, upon arriving at school, the author has been wistful for home but still so caught up in school affairs that he has quickly gotten over it. Is his current homesickness more of the same, or has something changed?
(3) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.

Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 02:12 a.m.


TITLE|school again
Monday, February 9, 2004
Welcome to chapter four.
I got in fine yesterday. The plane stopped in Chicago longer than it was supposed to, but I was pretending to sleep so I didn't really notice.
After a little time with Emily and Katie, I realized how badly I needed some time to myself, so I locked myself in my room and felt terribly homesick for awhile. But that passed.
Classes start tomorrow. According to Alex, Japanese is in the Lewis building this semester, which, if true, fills my heart with joy. Japanese is my first class every day, and the Lewis building is like a hundred feet from my room. Increased sleep always, always meets with approval from the board.
I wrote my first letter to Natalie today, but the mailboxes are far away and they don't do mail on Sundays anyway, so I'll send it out when I wake up.
I deeply want to be drinking tea and watching cartoons with Chris right now.
Inaugural bad poetry:

Featureless

They don't see the trees anymore,
nor do they see the houses, the roads, the skies,
or themselves.
"Les aveugles," they are called
by happy urchins in the streets.
Tears spill out from their shuttered eyes,
and nobody guesses they are tears of mirth
so nobody stops to ask what the joke was.

Alone in their featureless house,
les aveugles sit down to coffee or wine
and toast their marvelous luck.

And that is how we begin a chapter.

Reading questions
(1) Does the author's style shift noticeably when he travels between school and home? If so, how?
(2) The author has called his poetry "bad" for a very long time now. Does he actually feel this way? If so, why does he continue to write poetry? If not, why does he continue to call it bad?
(3) What is the author leaving unsaid?
Answer thoughtfully and thoroughly. Answers will not be collected, but remember, this will be on the test.

Number Six on the Lunatic Fringe, signing out - 02:21 a.m.
 who||andrew
what||college student with delusions of grandeur
when||nineteen years ago
where||california or ohio
why||purity.adventure.romance

monarchs
chrysalides